New life from Monday: why can’t we change

You often give yourself a word to change? Start eating properly, playing sports, spending less time on social networks? How many times have you tried to start a new life from Monday and how many of these Mondays have already been? Psychologist Dmitry Nabatov explains that it prevents you from starting life from scratch.

Trying to change something in ourselves, we often meet internal resistance. It may be laziness, or inventive excuses, or sudden loss of strength. Why is this happening?

At such moments when we give ourselves the word to take the path of change, the struggle of two parts begins inside. One part craves changes, the second wants to leave everything as it is. In gestalt therapy, these parts are called a “dog from below” and “dog from above”. “Dog from above” is a part learned from parents, it demands to become better from us, to improve tirelessly. “Dog from below” opposes these changes and offers new excuses.

The so -called paradoxical theory of changes helps to reconcile both parts. Its essence is to accept in itself those features of the character and qualities that we consider “negative”, for example, laziness.

When we scold ourselves for flaws, this takes away the lion’s share of internal energy. Thus, self -criticism deprives us of strength and drives us into a state of depression. Confident in our own failure, we begin to reproach ourselves for powerlessness. And so in a circle.

To stop this, you need to stop concentrating on shortcomings and scold yourself for them. The paradoxical theory of changes says that the change occurs when we finally become ourselves, without trying to seem or become someone else.

Conduct an experiment: put an elastic band on your hand and each time, starting to scold or shame yourself for imperfection, pull it and spank yourself slightly. This will help stop the flow of internal criticism and self -flagellation. After a weekly experiment, you will notice that there was more internal forces.

Other steps that will help to cope with resistance

1. Try not to scold yourself for flaws, but to figure out why you cannot achieve the desired changes.

What stops you or scares you? Perhaps you demand too much from yourself, too fast or radical changes? Maybe you just need more time and preparation to implement the planned?

2. Take small steps.

If you want to

Ovo je osjetljivo područje relevantno i još uvijek je malo zaobilazno. Kad izgladite dno muškog lica, nesvjesno je naglasio njegovu muškost. Jednostavna setola ne samo da gleda samo seks, već i otvara vrata s zadovoljstvom, jer, sildenafil cijena njoj, potiče točke u kojima kosa na licu dođe u kontakt s kožom.

change the diet, introduce useful products a little, gradually replacing them with harmful food. If we are talking about an active lifestyle, start with a daily five -minute training and increase its duration every week.

Each person is a system. The stronger we try to change ourselves, the more our other part resists

3. It is sometimes useful to understand what pushes you towards change.

Is it your decision? Perhaps this choice is imposed on you from the outside – parents, friends, advertising? Try to critical of the trends of the modern world and listen to your own desires and needs.

It is important to remember: each person is a system. The stronger we try to change ourselves, the more our other part resists, throwing us back. In psychology, this phenomenon is described by the law of Yerks-Dodson: the more actively we motivate ourselves, the higher the level of internal stress, which reduces our ability to act. Therefore, it is important to find the optimal motivation options for yourself so as not to burn out.

If you can’t figure it out independently, what is the cause of internal resistance, you should turn to a psychologist: it will help change your attitude to yourself, and only then find out the reasons that stop you on the way to change.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top